The First Time Out-How Do You React?
The first date you go on after a split, whether it was nasty or not, can be one of the most difficult situations to have to deal with. Do you think you are ready to make your move? Or are you just going down Rebound Row?
Before I continue I would like you all to know that I have been through this. I know what both sides of the equation feels like. I do not want anyone else to suffer, which is why I write. So please… Read on…
For many people, men and women alike, a break up of a relationship-put simply-can be HELL. Whether it was a divorce or a split from a long-time live-in, knowing when it’s safe to fish from the lake of life called dating cn be a challenge, at best. There are so very many things to consider before doing so-How long were you with the person? How long has it been since the break up? Was the split mutual, or was it one-sided… meaning did the two of you part on good terms? Or are you still running under the protection of a Protection From Abuse order? All of these factors and more should be weighed heavily before making that final decision as to whether or not to jump back into the dating pool again.
Fear and Anxiety - Signs of A Rebound Ahead
Anxiety and fear can wreak havoc on the mind and the dating scene along with any hopes of being ready for it. Do you know that feeling you get when you just want to hide under the covers and never come out? Or maybe you make plans with a friend and them cancel at the last minute because you just don’t feel up to it. This is a sign that you are not over the split just yet. If you were to try to go and get a date at this point, you would rebound your way all the way back under your covers a week later.
Ok, say you do go out, and maybe you go with a friend to a place like a restaurant or say you are at the mall, and you feel that you don’t want anyone to notice you? Or maybe you are sitting in public somewhere and you actually try to hide your face because you are too embarrassed to show it, or maybe you sit in the back of the diner or in the corner of the library because you want to be alone.
Although you seem to be making an effort to get out of the house, you still aren’t doing anything constructive. That isn’t going to help your situation any but it will make it worse, though. You don’t do anything new, you go to the same places over and over again-you even wind up going BACK to the places where the two of you always went together. This is a big NO-NO!
Your head just isn’t in it to win. This is a classic sign of someone who, when they actually do go on a date, they will wind up in the dreaded rebound relationship. When you do go out and you wind up picking the first person that comes along that looks half decent, and treats you almost less than that.. You wind up going home with them anyway and want to move in with them by the end of the week. Then by the end of the week after that, you split. It is a never ending cycle of rebounding from one bad relationship to another. Do you want to know why?
You are afraid and alone, and you are afraid to BE alone at the same time. This is classic rebound symptomology. And if it is ever going to change, YOU have to change. It is the only way you will ever get out of the cycle of relationship Hell you put yourself in.
How Do You Break the Cycle?
To break the relentless cycle of rebound relationships, the change has to start from within. The fear and anxiety have completely taken over your life. It has engulfed every recognizable part of your psyche until you are buried so deep inside, you don’t even recognize your self. But how?
First of all, you need to ask yourself what it was that affected you so bad in the first place. Was it that you didn’t split on good terms? The your ex maybe abuse you and in turn wore you down so you have absolutely no self-esteem anymore? Whatever the case, you need to figure out what it is and banish it from your mind forever. Especially if it happens to be a self esteem issue.
Positive reinforcement is very good at breaking those kinds of mental habits. Say a nice thing to your self 10 times every day while looking in a mirror at your self. Do this for a week and you will notice a hug change in the way you feel. And if you don’t believe it works, do it for 7 days and then skip two days. I promise you will see the difference when you don’t do it.
Confidence-The Miracle of Readiness
When you start getting back out into the world again, not for a date, but just hanging out somewhere, what are you going to do instead? Will you take the world by storm? When you feel that you want to make your presence known to everyone who passes by-not in a snooty way, just a bit confident-you want to let them see how confident you are, will you finally be able to?
You will want to make a statement in which others can distinguish you by. This is important because if you are showing your face to the world, you exude confidence in yourself and your situation in the world around you. This can make others feel instantly attracted to you in a positive light. They can see who you are, what you want and where you are going.
And if you are getting out there and are taking your time getting to know people, this is signaling you are looking for something more fulfilling than just a romp in the hay. It shows people you are not afraid to wait and take your time to get what you want. If this is what you are doing, than you are probably ready to start dating.